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when older men are like “yeah baby, I love teaching new girls about submission” and they talk about “true subs” and “true doms” and try to corner you into a full-time power-exchange dynamic off the bat?
run. I am not even kidding. don’t do it, those men are dangerous.
a responsible dom/domme will talk a lot about limits and boundaries with anyone, especially someone who says they’re new to bdsm. they won’t try to get you into a 24/7 thing right off the bat (even if that’s something you both want eventually). and ANYONE who defines “true sub” or “true dom” as ANYTHING other than “someone who identifies themselves a sub or dom” is unreservedly full of shit. people use “oh, you’re not a true sub” ALL THE TIME to disrespect kinky women’s boundaries. be aware of this. “a true sub would let me push her hard limits” — NO. that is not and never will be true.
I have seen, at least in new england, some burgeoning efforts to weed out abusers and foster consent culture in the bdsm community, which is fantastic. but it’s still important to know some of the bullshit that abusers will pull. because it is bullshit.
This is probably the BEST piece of advice I could give someone new interested in BDSM.
The 2nd piece of advice is, if someone talks about slave training or dominant training, that is THEIR OPINION. I don’t care how Old Guard High Leather they might be. The best training you can have is in establishing your boundaries and learning to show and command respect. That includes slaves and submissives because people WILL try to misuse you.
And your TRAINING should not be about how they want you to suck a dick. That’s just a fetish. Which is fine. But… if they are more concerned with your oral sex skills than you, that’s your warning sign.